One thing you may have noticed if you exist on the fringe of the “pick-up artist culture” for a little while is that so much of the men’s dating material out there focuses more on mastering seduction than mastering relationships. And this is an area where so many men drop the ball even after they figure out pickup. They go from geek to sheik, casting off their awkward social presence to become the kind of guy who picks up beautiful women whenever they feel like it…and yet, you can count on one hand the number of men who master the art of successful relationships.
Knowing how to build lasting relationships is a whole level above getting women to sleep with you. And no matter how you try to shrug it off and act like you’re just not that type of guy, we all sooner or later settle into something more lasting with one of the women we date. It might not always last, but in most cases, being honest with ourselves means admitting that we wish we knew how to change that.
So, today let’s go over ten tips for mastering the art of relationships.
1. Maintain Independence
The number one thing both men and women do wrong when getting shacked up is let go of their independence completely—it’s the classic case of “throwing the baby out with the bathwater.” When we first develop feelings for someone, we naturally want to be with them all the time, but in the heat of the moment we drop our lives for them.
In the end, this not only destroys our relationships but takes away from our personal growth. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said it best: “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
No matter where life takes you, keep your personal space sacred. Set aside time alone without your girlfriend or wife, and hold on to your own interests. It will all be invaluable when the newness of your relationship wears off or the relationship ends altogether and you find yourself alone.
2. Keep Your Friends
Much like holding on to your independence, you need to hold on to your male friends. You probably find yourself changing as you settle down, and in some ways that’s a good thing. But even if you don’t believe in everything your buddies say and do anymore, you should never ditch them completely for your lover.
Other men keep you grounded. Get out and do guy things every once in a while, and insist that she understand you need that time. And remember that her time with the girls is just as important.
3. Never Stop Improving
Never assume that because you are in a relationship you can stop improving yourself, or even worse, let yourself go. How would you feel if you settled down with some beautiful, motivated woman only to watch her let her body go and trade her goals to sit on the couch every night and sip beer?
A constant focus on improving yourself keeps life interesting and keeps your partner intrigued by a man she can respect.
Not to mention that if you continue sharpening your “edge,” you maintain that confidence that you can attract other women if things don’t work out. Don’t rub it in her face, but if it’s the truth, you both know it and you hold onto a power in the relationship that the majority of American men don’t have.
4. Learn How to Please
While some men go overboard to please women they are not yet with, a lot of guys who have great women neglect to make them feel special and wanted. This inevitably eats away at the relationship.
Women are usually more nurturing than men, and as long as they still feel good about the relationship, they’ll always go the extra mile to make us feel good. Returning the favor intensifies this effort.
Go out of your way to make her comfortable and happy—in everyday life and in bed, pleasing her not only makes her feel great but will invigorate your relationship.
5. Know When to Stand Your Ground
You also need to have your boundaries and know when to stand your ground. Too many men these days—ironically often the same men who have forgotten how to please women—do nothing when a woman tramples on their boundaries. It’s a given that when either partner in a relationship gives all control up completely the other will eventually take and take and take.
It’s just human nature.
Be a man when its time to be a man instead of giving into everything and making pathetic excuses that “the wife said so.”
6. Know When to Give In
Standing your ground is vital, but that doesn’t mean that you need to be a stubborn alpha prick to make your relationship work. Sometimes you need to compromise—its cliché because it is so true.
Learn how to step back from your arguments and consider them from a different point of view, and if you realize even after a couple days of arguing that you were, after all, the one that was wrong, don’t be too ashamed to admit that. She will respect you all the more for your flexibility.
7. Give Compliments
You’ll see those guys who have achieved “pickup mastery” do this all the time. One of the first things aspiring Casanovas learn is that giving compliments is no way to get beautiful chicks to talk with them.
But then these guys use the same tactic in relationships, thinking that if they flatter their woman at all they’ll lose interest. Even worse, some refuse to give compliments in front of their other PUA buddies because they don’t want to look like a wuss…
Listen, as long as you’re not sucking up to your woman, a sincere compliment does nothing but good. One of the great secrets of human interaction is learning to give compliments out of the blue when they are deserved—try this even with your friends and see how far it really does go.
And a man who is afraid to tell his girlfriend or wife that she’s beautiful because he doesn’t want to look like a “wuss” is really fooling himself if he actually thinks he’s in charge of his own world—he’s not even in charge of himself.
8. Express Displeasure
Before you start coating every sentence in sugar, honesty is a complex tool and you should not be afraid to express yourself when something is bothering you either. Women are much better than this than we are, but us men, wanting to keep the peace, typically keep every little thing to ourselves.
Holding your tongue makes sense sometimes, but if something is bothersome enough to affect your personal comfort or the relationship over all, than by all means bring it up. Harmony is important; false harmony only deteriorates your relationship.
9. Stay Romantic
It might have skipped your attention at some point in your life, especially if all of your relationships have failed, but women typically want a little more romance in their lives—and there is nothing wrong with giving it to them. Romance will charge your relationship and keep it fresh. It makes her feel good, and a woman who feels good in her relationship will go above and beyond to pour herself into that relationship.
Too many guys who are unhappy with their love-life aren’t doing much to keep the relationship alive—they want the sex without the “touchy-feely stuff.” Here’s a little secret—great romance leads to great sex.
Taking your lover out to a romantic dinner, renting a hot tub room overlooking ocean cliffs, or giving her a sensual massage with no intentions of anything else happening will almost always make something else happening a certainty. If your sex life is lacking, romance will always spark it back up.
10. Never Settle
Do you want to know what most men do wrong in relationships these days? They settle for less because they either don’t want to put in the effort or don’t think they can get anything better.
Men who settle eventually end up ruining their relationships, always wondering if they made a mistake and as a consequence never giving it their all. And these same men typically don’t have enough desire or belief in themselves to start over from scratch.
Settling for less is not only bad for you but it’s not right for the person you are with—why should she waste her time with someone who has one foot in and one foot out? She can either feel it or you will end up sabotaging the whole thing because you feel somehow incomplete (and the worst part is a relationship can be sabotaged without ever actually ending).
If you take anything from this article, this should be the takeaway—whether single or in a relationship, always maintain high standards for yourself and for those around you. Mastering relationships is about deciding you can not only learn to “play” human interaction but that you can be a man and create the life you want—believe it or not, most men secretly want a stable woman.
So focus on being the ultimate man that you can, show your partner that you love her, and never settle for less than your ultimate life.
Miss Alice says, “These tips are great and they are a little vague. Do you guys know of any specific examples you have done that really sparked your relationships?”
Ask questions, post comments and Miss Alice will answer
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