Get Better at Building Comfort with These 5 Simple Tips
Building comfort is a crucial part of interaction with any human being. But it’s especially true with women because they so often feel like men only want to get something for them and don’t really care about who they are as a person.
Not to mention that for most women, who are more emotional in nature, it’s crucial to have a spark for any relationship to work. Sure, women can do strictly physical relationships, but they typically must feel like there’s at least a dash of that “something more.”
If you don’t learn how to build trust and rapport with a good-looking girl, if you don’t learn to make a connection, your attempts to sexually escalate will at the very least fall flat on their face and at the worst leave you looking like a creep.
Here are some tips for helping you with comfort-building if this is an area you’re stuck on.
1) Avoid the “Everyday Questions”
One of the first lessons in building proper comfort is to avoid (like the plague) those everyday questions that people ask each other just to pass the time or make an excuse for idle chatter.
You know the ones I’m talking about…”How are you doing today?” “Where are you from?” “What do you do for a living?” “What are you studying?”
Sure, there’s a time and place for questions like this, but asking them right when you meet someone is not going to endear them to you and make them intrigued to talk with you more. They hear this from everyone else all day, most of whom don’t really care about the answer.
It doesn’t inspire. It doesn’t connect.
So learn how to be more creative in your conversations with people. Learn to talk about extremely trivial (but fun) things or to talk about more meaningful, emotional subjects.
2) Show Interest in Her Most Insignificant Accomplishments
Some people can be quite boring to talk to and may not have the most interesting things to say – especially when you first meet them. Then again, some women are quite interesting, but us men feel we need to impress them, so we spend a lot of time highlighting our own great experiences and qualities without stopping to acknowledge the things they’ve mentioned.
Have you ever heard it said that everyone’s favorite subject is themselves? Imagine this world as a place where everyone walks around so self-interested that we sit there and talk to each other about ourselves without ever acknowledging one another’s stories (listen to the typical conversation and this isn’t far from the truth).
So ignore yourself for a minute. It’s fine to let slip your more interesting tidbits, sometimes, but think of it as hinting at them rather than talking about them. Remain somewhat mysterious and don’t tell her everything about herself.
Congratulate her on her story instead, no matter how much “cooler” yours might be. Ask her questions about it. She’s giving you something to talk about, so capitalize on that.
3) Learn to Establish Common Ground With Just About Everything
The true art of comfort is realizing that we all have common ground and it’s quite possible to make a connection with just about anyone if you think about it. She comes from a Mexican family and you just happen to love Mexican Food. She went to school at UC Davis and so did your best friend – in fact, you visited him there before. You both want to travel someday. You both love Seinfeld.
Sure, sometimes we find even stronger connections with the people we meet, and that’s great, but you don’t have to be soul mates to establish rapport. You just have to be able to find something to talk about with and agree on.
It most certainly isn’t rocket science.
4) Don’t Be So Negative
While it’s important to learn how to converse about just about anything, do not get the idea in your head that your problems make good grounds for meaningful conversation with someone you just met. Bad, bad, bad. All you’re doing is building a negative connotation in her mind about you, and that, my friend, is the opposite of comfortable. It doesn’t feel nice, and it doesn’t make her want to spend more time around you.
A few dashes of cynicism are typically appreciated, but only if they’re done in a friendly, humorous, and good-natured manner. Don’t be the type of man who takes the world too seriously, either in your own life or your interactions with others.
5) Don’t Get Too Comfortable
It’s definitely possible to get too comfortable. Don’t do that unless you want to be her new best buddy, and I’m guessing that the last thing you want is another woman telling you she just wants to be your friend.
So where does the line get crossed between healthy rapport and becoming nothing more than a friend?
Well, first off, keep the conversation interesting by breaking rapport from time to time. The best way to do this right is by being a little bit flirty and/or challenging her from time to time.
Also, remember that comfort is only one part of a successful interaction with a woman you’ve just met. It’s a transition stage. Ultimately, you’ve got to move it past the comfort stage and into the next level, which means sexual escalation.
If you never sexually escalate, you deserve to just be her friend because that’s what you’re acting like.
In a nightclub environment, if you’ve been talking with her for half an hour already, you absolutely need to push things to the next level. Of course, this varies in other situations and is ultimately determined by each unique situation, but you’ll get a feel for it over time.
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