Is Your Comfort-Building Being Sabotaged By a Lack of Conversational Skills?
Many men who struggle to build comfort with the women they meet simply do so because they lack conversational skills – or at the very least, they lack conversational skills when talking with women. They’ll walk into a nightclub and easily slip into conversation with a great-looking girl standing next to them at the bar, but as the banter starts, they suddenly find themselves at a loss of words. Or the girl loses interest in what they are saying and subtly excuses herself to move on.
It’s simply impossible to build comfort if you can’t find things to talk about with women.
A conversation must be moved along by having conversational skills. But does that mean you’re doomed if you don’t have the gift of gab? Not at all. You just need to do a little prep-work first. Let’s have a look at improving your blabbing skills so you can keep the conversation going.
The Trivial is Your Friend
A lot of men – especially the ones that struggle to meet women – aren’t really too fond of trivial conversation. They feel that any discourse between two people should have some honesty and integrity behind it. That conversations should be meaningful and intelligent. Sigh.
Look, you’re not debating health care here, and women, who are so much more socially intelligent than most of us, figured out a long time ago that at the most basic level every human interaction starts out on a trivial level. Because of this, many of them have learned to banter and have fun with trivial subjects of conversation.
Now, don’t confuse this with talking about the mundane. Just because something is trivial and doesn’t matter a whole lot on the big scheme of things doesn’t mean it can’t be interesting and fun. And it should be.
If you’re prepared and adept at turning almost anything into a conversation, you’ll have no problem keeping it going.
Learn to Grab Onto Threads
These so-called “trivial” subjects aren’t straws you have to grasp for – they’re actually presented in most conversations as a run of course. Notice that when you’re talking with someone they’ll often hang bait in their conversations. They’ll end a sentence with a reference to another subject or open up transitions for you.
It’s like they’re standing back, holding open a door, and saying, “Here you go. Here’s something you can talk about.”
You should take this bait – this is the natural flow of conversation. Don’t be the guy who spends the whole conversation focusing on the one commonality you had when you first started talking.
Saying Stupid Stuff Just Happens
Not everything you say will be perfect. Not every joke will be funny. People say stupid things all the time, and you’ll notice that even hot, social women say a lot of stupid things for the simple reason that they talk more than you do. And no one holds it against them.
Conversation is not meant to be perfect, but it should move. It should just keep growing. Don’t think too much about everything you say, and if you say something dumb or uninteresting, just move forward.
Forget Your Goal for a While
Women are always on edge when they meet new men, and this is one of the reasons we struggle to build comfort with them. They often assume almost all men have ulterior motives (often true) – not to mention that they assume some men are even dangerous (unfortunately, sometimes true as well).
So while it’s fine to have an ulterior motive for talking to a beautiful woman (you after all, human), you’ve got to at least mask that in the beginning. Don’t just walk up with a predatorial stare and try to jump down her throat.
As the conversation unfolds, push your “goal” away for a while. It’s hard for a man to do that – we always feel a need for purpose. But if you just focus on having a great time and talking with a new, interesting person you’ve met, true comfort will build itself. Eventually, you’ll have to escalate if you want to go further, but put that on the back burner for a bit.
Learn to Love Talking to Everyone
The best way I know to get better at talking with attractive women is to get better at talking with everyone else. Start practicing your art of the trivial everywhere you go. The supermarket. The bank. The men’s room (preferably not at the urinals).
Practice joking around with people too. Don’t feel like you’re being annoying – instead make people’s day by shaking them up a little, highlighting a humorous observation about the world around you, and sharing a laugh. The people surrounding you in the everyday world are people just like you. Go ahead and connect with them.
As time goes by, you’ll become much more adept at making small talk with people beyond asking them their name, occupation, and hometown. And the more comfortable you get with that, the easier it will be to converse and eventually establish comfort with the women you meet. And it will be more natural.
Now get out there and do some talking!
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