When studying game, you’ll come across a lot of small tips and techniques that will help you with women. You’ll learn new ways to build comfort, great ways to approach women, style tips for looking your best, ways to build value…it goes on and on. Most of this stuff is good but it isn’t all crucial – there’s “no connect the dots” element to game that will lead you directly to a woman’s bedroom if you get it all right.
But one place where you absolutely cannot cut corners is escalation. If you never gather up the courage to push a great conversation with a woman to the next level, you simply won’t ever get anywhere.
The exceptions are in the cases that you are a good-looking guy, she is an aggressive woman, and there is alcohol involved, but even these moments will often fail if you don’t do some escalating of your own. And it’s certainly no long-term strategy.
There is simply no compromising escalation – it’s a must. For this reason, a few things to think about for those of you who are struggling.
The Biggest Obstacle is Most Likely You
Sexual escalation is a very natural thing. If you’re struggling to move your interactions past the comfort stage, it’s most likely because you are simply not doing it.
This might be because you lack the courage. It might be because you aren’t sure how. It might be because you have been out of the game for a while.
Whatever the case may be, you’ll move past this hump a lot quicker if you just realize that the problem stems from something you are not doing. You must escalate. You must learn when the time is right. You must make it sexual.
Learn to Back Off and Start Over
It’s helpful to think about escalation as a balancing act. You have to constantly gauge her reaction and take notice when you’re pushing too far, too fast. When this does happen and you find her getting cold or backing away, don’t assume you’ve completely lost out – you probably just haven’t built enough comfort, and in some cases she may just be self-conscious about what other people are thinking.
Back off a little bit, break rapport a little, and then and essentially start over again in the comfort building stage. You’ll find you can do this throughout the night, moving causally through the separate stages of attraction until you get it right or realize it’s a lost cause.
There Are Certain Things That Nearly Guarantee You Can Kiss Her
Surely you’ve heard of IOI’s, or Indicators of Interest.
When a woman does something specific, like ask you for your name before you ask for hers, catches your eye (especially repeatedly) from across the room, or swats you playfully on the arm, you can take these as signs that she is interested in you.
If she does a few of these things, it’s almost guaranteed, and you’d be a fool to let the opportunity slip you by.
Well, similarly, there are certain things a woman would never let you get away with unless she was also ready to let you kiss her. And knowing when a woman is ready to be kissed is obviously a huge advantage on your part.
For example, if she’ll let you put your hand on her stomach and let it linger there, she’d probably allow you to kiss her – women don’t just let any man do this. If she allows your face to come within inches of hers while talking flirty and doesn’t back away or get awkward, she probably wants to kiss. If you’re dancing and your faces end up pressed against each other for a while, kiss her.
Know these things and use them by trying them before transitioning into the kiss. In this way, you can only kiss a woman when it’s certain to work.
Don’t Feel Like You Lost Just Because She Stopped You
At a certain level of the game and after a woman is definitely attracted to you, persistence is an important thing in a man. There’s no shame in trying to push a situation sexually when you know she likes you, and there’s no shame in her holding you at a certain distance.
As a caveat, I’m in no way saying that you shouldn’t always stop when she tells you to. Make it clear that she has the decision to do what she wants.
But if you made a move and she stopped you but is still having a great time and hanging out with you – remember, you guys just met – as well as being flirty, and possibly making out with you, she likes you. In cases like this, she just isn’t ready for sex (or whatever) yet and may want to wait for a certain amount of time to have passed so she can feel good about herself. Try again later.
Don’t be needy. Don’t be desperate. But do be a persistent man who goes for what he wants.
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