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Embarrassed by Pick Up?
Today I wanted to talk about something that comes up when guys are actually
out in the field and talking to girls. I run live boot camps two or three times every
single month where I take guys out into the field and teach them how to approach
and get girls to be attracted to them.
The problem is not what you’d expect. It’s not that the girls don’t really want to
talk to the guys, it’s not; it’s not that the guys get bad reactions from girls; not of
that actually happens very often.
The main reason that guys tend to struggle is their own fear. They get scared
of going up and approaching and they get very embarrassed about going and
doing the whole thing. The number one reason they give me for this is that
they’re worried about what everybody else is thinking about them. they’ll say to
me, “Man, you know I really want to go and talk to these girls but I’m worried that
the girls nearby are going to stare at me and think I’m a weird pick up artist guy”
or “Everyone’s going to think I’m sleazy in the bar” or “I’m convinced everyone’s staring at me.”
This reminded me of a study that came out in the year 2000 by a psychologist
by the name of Gilovitch which spoke about something known as the ‘spotlight
effect’. It’s essentially the concept that we feel that other people are looking at us
a lot more than they actually are.
In the study, the guy took a bunch of people and he put one of them in a
Barry Manilow t-shirt because apparently a Barry Manilow t-shirt is the most
embarrassing thing that could possibly be worn at that particular college where
the study was done. I don’t know how true that is nowadays or anywhere else but
apparently that’s how it is – don’t wear Barry Manilow t-shirts if you don’t want to be embarrassed.
At the end of it they analyzed how the person felt other people would notice
them and they cross-referenced it with the amount of people that were actually
capable of recalling the person that was wearing the Barry Manilow t-shirt. And
it turned out that the person wearing the t-shirt figured that about half the people
in the room would be able to remember them based on the fact they’re in a Barry
Manilow t-shirt. And it turns out it wasn’t half; it was a quarter or even less than a quarter.
The point is that we often over assume how many people are actually paying
attention to us. Even if you’re wearing a bright, garish Barry Manilow t-shirt,
people may not be noticing you as much as you think. So essentially what we’re
talking about here is the fear that you’re having of the amount of people that are
staring at you is probably about half that in real life, meaning half as many people
are noticing you as you’re worried are going to notice you.
So the point is, it’s a very internal thing what we have where we feel that other
people are staring at us and noticing us but in reality, that’s probably just not
the case. If you can get that into your head and realize that the truth is most
people are so busy being concerned about themselves and wondering if people
are noticing the fact that they’ve got a zit on their face or noticing the fact that
their outfit doesn’t match today or noticing the fact that they didn’t iron their shirt
before they went out. They’re so busy thinking about that themselves that they
realistically probably just don’t have the time to think about you or worry about what you’re doing.
And providing that you’re walking around and approaching in a normal and
natural way then you’re not going to be called out for looking like a sleazy kind of
guy anyway as after all, you’re just going around and meeting people.
I hope that makes sense to some of you guys. Do me a favor; let me know in the
comments below if you’ve wither experienced this or if you’ve got any solutions
for things that you’ve done to help you get over that fear of being embarrassed
when you’re going out to approach people that you’ve never spoken to before.
That’s it from me this week and I will see you next week.
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