If you’ve been spending more time playing Dungeons & Dragons the past few years than trying to pick up on women in the bar, then you might have a slight learning curve ahead of you as you roll out to work on your game. Don’t stress on it because nightclub goers are used to a wide range of people from all kinds of backgrounds, and most people are more concerned with, well, getting laid than what you are doing.
But it is important to have a few ideas of basic bar and nightclub etiquette to make your venture into the nightlife scene a little easier. Here are some things to keep in mind.
Ordering a Drink
If you’re going to busy clubs, you might find yourself fighting to get a drink at the bar. It can be frustrating ordering a drink from a busy bartender who seems to be ignoring you and maybe even serving drinks to people who came after you.
Keep their situation in perspective though – there is nothing more chaotic than facing a row of drunks at the bar who are all yelling at you to make their drink. Many experienced bartenders handle this by starting at one end of the bar and working their way down to the other, and then walking back to the other side of their section to start the loop over again.
They realize that people are going to get skipped this way, but in their industry, it’s really the only solution. Keep this rotation in mind if you feel people who came after you are getting their drinks out of turn.
Most importantly, whatever their strategy is, you will not gain their respect by hollering at them and being obnoxious. The best thing you can do is hold your money up over the bar and stay silent.
Try to make eye contact every time they come near but don’t say anything until they gesture or acknowledge you in some way. When everyone else around you is being a jerk, most bartenders will recognize your patience and reward you for it by being more responsive to your face after a few successive trips to the bar.
In the chaos of a club, the subtle things gain respect.
Befriend the Help
The above tip will give you a good start because the bartender is definitely someone you want on your good side. Use the same respectful, patient demeanor with the bouncers – you can try being playful with them too as bouncers sometimes like to joke around, but if you get a dead stare, don’t take it personally.
Again, think of all the drunks and jerks bouncers deal with on a regular basis. Some do let their size and status go to their heads, but you’re much better off getting them to warm up to you than you are responding to their arrogance with arrogance.
Don’t Be the Solo Creep
It’s cool to head out on the town by yourself but the last thing you want to be is the guy prowling around not talking to anyone or sulking in the corner. It comes across as predatorial at worst and pathetic at best.
Make it a point to break the ice and start talking with people as soon as you get there to avoid this. If you find yourself still sitting alone after a few drinks it might be a good idea to call it quits and head to another venue or just call it a night.
If you just can’t meet people no matter how hard you try you should really consider recruiting a like-minded wing-man or reread “Understand Attraction” to learn about the power of entourage game.
Don’t Ever Fight
Fighting in nightclubs can be dangerous. I don’t care who you are or how tough you think you are because anyone can suddenly pull out a blade or a gun. And let’s face it – more often than not if you get in a fight at the club you’re going home alone.
The first thing you can do to avoid fights out on the town is to stay away from bars that have a rough crowd or a reputation for scraps. If there are some shady characters try to stay on their good side and leave your judgments at the door – I find that a lot of people who normally wouldn’t acknowledge me in the daytime world are pretty friendly if I just give a cheers and a nod.
Keep in mind that a guy walking around with a serious look on his face might actually be feeling left out rather than wanting to get aggressive. He’s probably not conscious of how he looks.
If someone is obviously looking for a fight steer clear of them and don’t be ashamed to pack up and move on to the next venue. We’re not looking to prove how caveman we can get; we’re looking to get laid.
Don’t Get Wasted
Sounds kind of strange when we’re talking about a bar, but people don’t like to be around the guy who can’t talk or walk straight. Learn to handle your liquor if you’re going to drink, and also maintain some self-control so you know when to call it a night. Do I need to say don’t drink and drive?
Don’t Take Advantage of Wasted Chicks
Don’t be that guy who thinks it’s okay to separate some slobbering-drunk chick from her friends because you think she’ll be “easy.” Why would you want to sleep with someone that trashed anyways?
If there’s any chance you’re going to end up holding her hair while she pukes or if you’re nervous at all that she might be drunk enough to wake up and call rape, think about what you’re doing. Bring the poor girl back to her friends and do the right thing.
Know How to Apologize
Clumsy mistakes happen in bars. You drop a drink on the floor. You walk into someone and accidently elbow their beer onto their chest. Or maybe you even just rub someone the wrong way and piss them off – could be that they’re looking for a problem or could be a misunderstanding.
The point is that knowing how to apologize goes a long way, and in a bar, apologies are often made through either drinks or tips.
If you knock someone’s beer over, buy them a new one. If you drop yours, leave the bartender a big tip next time around to make up for it, especially if they toss you a new one for free. And if the guy at the other end of the bar is being a jerk, buy him a beer and tell him you don’t want any problems; it’s not supplication… it’s assertively passing the problem by.
Bars can and should be fun, but they are also unpredictable places, so keep your wits about you and pay attention to what other people are doing. You’ll catch on.
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